Sweet and ASAP
by DementedLunatic
Summary: This story will consist of a series of unrelated fluffy and sometimes serious one-shots that will depict random conversations between Wyatt and Chris (and occasionally other family members) over a cup of coffee. The topics will vary from something as trivial as Wyatt's springtime allergies to something as serious as hate-crimes. I hope you all like it.
1. Sweet and ASAP on Junk Food

**Author's notes:** This is not a story with a complex plot like some of my other stories. This is going to be a series of one-shots. The idea for this one came to me when I witnessed two of my good friends (who are also brothers) talking about nonsense while sharing a hot cup of coffee. The image of the Halliwell brothers bickering over a cup of coffee was irresistible. I had to share it. I hope all my readers like it.

The topics of these talks are rather irrelevant. They will vary from something as trivial as Wyatt's springtime allergies to something as serious as hate-crimes. The rating is T for the time being. I may change it to M later if I need to use stronger language.

**Disclaimer: **I _do not_ own Charmed or any of its characters except the ones I make up. I _do not_ intend to make profit out of this story.

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><p><strong>Sweet and ASAP on Junk Food<strong>

"Why do we not have any mugs? I distinctly remember asking you to buy some on your way back yesterday. You didn't even go to the store, did you?" Chris seethed at his big brother as he banged the cabinet door shut.

"Nope," Wyatt answered nonchalantly. Chris was clearly annoyed by his brother's careless response. Before he could yell at his big brother any more, Wyatt walked over to the coffee grinder and added two scoops of dark roasted beans to it.

"What the hell are you doing? We don't have any mugs remember? How're we supposed to drink it? Orb it to our mouths?" Chris asked irritated.

"Calm down, peanut. We **_did_** move in just yesterday. These small glitches are to be expected when we setup a new apartment. Besides, I have a busy schedule too, you know. I had to talk to my advanced fluid mechanics professor yesterday after class. That's why I didn't get time to go and buy any mugs," Wyatt said calmly. Although most of his speech was muffled by the noise made by the coffee grinder, Chris got the gist of it over their link.

"Right. Busy schedule. Try attending med-school all day, working at the restaurant in the night and still managing to find time to tutor Junior for his biology exam in between. Besides, immunology beats popular mechanics hands down when it comes to…" Chris was muttering as he put the filtered water in the kettle and put it on the stove. His rant was cut short by his big brother.

"It's advanced fluid mechanics and you know nothing about how tough it is. So please, don't make cross-discipline comparisons. You're just grumpy because you haven't had your coffee yet. Not to mention lack of social life…" Wyatt said as he poured the course ground beans in the large French press.

"Oh bite me," Chris hissed scowling. Rather than responding to his brother's ranting, Wyatt walked over to his backpack lying on the countertop and began rummaging through it. In seconds, he produced two mugs made of china from his backpack. Chris only raised his eyebrows.

"I thought you said you didn't go to the store," Chris said a little calm by now that he could see he was about to get his caffeine fix.

"I didn't have to. Do you remember Saarang, the little Indian boy? The future white-lighter we helped two weeks ago? He made these for us in his art class. Well the mugs were premade. He only decorated them before his teacher sent them to the kiln to be fired, but you get the picture. The point being, he made these for us as a thank you. Cute, aren't they?" Wyatt said as a way of explanation. The two mugs were fairly large and roughly the same size. One was powder blue in color and had the letters **ASAP** painted on it in dark green. The other was off white and had the word **Sweet** painted on it in brown.

"Clearly, this one is for me," Wyatt said picking up the one marked Sweet. Chris poured the boiling water from the kettle into the press and closed the lid.

"And why am I supposed to be ASAP and not sweet?" the brunet witch asked a bit annoyed but his curiosity was evident in the tone of his voice.

"Face it kit. I'm the nicer one among the two of us. Besides, all the while we were helping Saarang, you kept yelling at me. 'Wyatt, I need the dried Dragonwell ASAP', 'Wyatt stop chatting with the innocent and move your fat ass. I needed the saffron like yesterday', 'Wyatt…" Wyatt's 'Grouchy impatient Chris' imitation was cut short by Chris.

"First of all I don't sound all whiny like that. And secondly, even if I can be a little impatient some times, there is no reason for the little brat to call me ASAP," Chris huffed as he rinsed the mugs before first time use.

"He wanted to write 'Grumpy' on yours. But then he thought better of it. He didn't want to make you even grumpier," Wyatt said teasing his brother. Chris narrowed his eyes.

"No he didn't. You just pulled that out of your ass. Even if yours does say Sweet, it's nothing to do with your demeanor. Considering your wholly unremarkable personality and the amount of sugar you eat, it's probably the only thing he remembered about you," Chris said to his brother as he dried the mugs with a dishrag.

"Well, you are what you eat. That's why you're as boring as a head of lettuce," Wyatt said smiling cheekily.

"If that were true, Wy, you'd be a fatty burger soaked in corn syrup. Unlike you, I care about what I put in my body," Chris said rolling his eyes. Wyatt was properly scandalized.

"You take that back! Do you see an ounce of fat on this perfect body?" Wyatt said as he pulled off his shirt and bared his washboard abs and muscular chest. Not really expecting an answer from Chris, the twice blessed began flexing his muscles. A goofy smile appeared on his face while he was admiring his own perfect physique.

"You do know what happened to Narcissus, yes?" the half elder asked rolling his eyes.

"Who? Is that a demon?" Wyatt asked frowning.

"No! He's a guy from Greek mythology…" Again, Chris's explanation was interrupted by his big brother.

"A Greek god! That's appropriate," Wyatt said nodding as if approving his own declaration.

"He was not a god. He was son of a god and a nymph. But that's beside the point. He fell in love with his own image. He fell in the water while admiring his looks and DROWNED," Chris said stressing on the last word.

"You're just jealous because you don't have a magnificent body like me! Besides, I can swim," Wyatt said, missing the point entirely, or at least ignoring it.

"I'm serious, Wyatt. All that grease and sugar is not good for you. You're getting away with eating junk food right now because you happen to have an exceptionally high metabolic rate and you spend half of your waking hours in the gym. But as you grow older, that's going to change. You're metabolism will slow down and you won't get as much time to workout. If you don't change your bad eating habits in time, you'll end up looking like Jabba the Hutt. Not to mention chances of heart trouble, diabetes …" Chris's lecture in good eating habits was cut short by Wyatt.

"I'm twenty-four. I'm too young to worry about metabolic rate. Besides, you're not a doctor yet. You just started med school, like a week ago. Just because you started a couple of years ahead of every one else doesn't make you omniscient. May be I'm just immune to fat and sugar," Wyatt said imperiously as he pushed the plunger of the press and began pouring the brown liquid in their mugs.

"You're immune to common sense. Although; I'm impressed that you know a big word like omniscient. It doesn't take a genius to understand the simple relationship between bad eating habits and health issues. You know what I think? You just don't have what it takes. It takes a lot of will power to control one's diet. Face it Wy. As strong as you are, magically and physically, when it comes to will power…" Chris left his sentence unfinished for effect, shrugged and turned away while sipping the expertly brewed coffee. Wyatt narrowed his eyes looking much like his little brother when he was annoyed.

"You're attempt at reverse psychology is rather pathetic and transparent. I'll have you know that there is nothing impossible for the twice blessed if he sets his mind to it," Wyatt said a bit proudly, referring to himself in third person. He turned to the cabinets to get the sugar and didn't realize that Chris had slipped something in his coffee. The brunette had a mischievous smile on his face but he schooled his face to look mildly irritated before Wyatt turned around.

"And I'll prove you wrong. Let's make a little wager, shall we? If I stay away from 'junk food' for a week, you'll personally cook whatever I want for a fortnight. If I loose, I'll do all your chores for the same duration," Wyatt proposed confidently. He was pretty sure he could stay away from junk food. And even if he couldn't, there was no way for Chris to prove it. He'd just workout a bit more to be on the safer side. This was totally doable.

"Do my chores for a month and we have a deal," Chris responded shrugging. Wyatt nodded with a stern face, spit on the palm of his right hand and offered it for Chris to shake.

"That's revolting. I'm not shaking your spit-covered hand. But we do have a deal," Chris said scowling as he pointedly moved away from Wyatt's outstretched hand. Wyatt had seen it in some old movie he'd watched with Leo and uncle Henry. He was going for a dramatic effect but predictably, Chris had only stared at him as if he was a particularly loathsome insect. He shrugged and wiped his hand on the side of his jeans. Chris's face twisted further with disgust, but Wyatt wasn't sure if it was looking at his hand or the amount of sugar he had poured in the coffee. He stirred the beverage vigorously and began sipping from it with a satisfied smile adorning his handsome face.

"Oh and one last thing. I have slipped an anti-gluttony potion in your coffee. I have specifically tuned it to any junk food. Just in case you decide to cheat. You'd have noticed the slightly salty taste if you hadn't poured a pound of sugar in your coffee," Chris said as he finished his coffee. Wyatt choked on the last sip of his disgustingly sweet coffee.

"Anti what potion?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Anti-gluttony potion. You know those medications people take to help them quit drinking? The kind that makes one nauseated if they drink alcohol. The anti-gluttony potion is a twist on that. If you say, decide to cheat and eat a burger, the first byte will make you fart very loudly. The second bite will make you throw up. And should you go for a third bite, you'll begin spewing via the other end. If you take the fourth bite… Well, I don't think you'll get to the fourth bite but you get the picture," Chris said with an evil grin. Wyatt just stared at his baby brother, slack-jawed.

"When did you…?" Wyatt managed to ask.

"When you turned to get the sugar," Chris answered as he dried the mug he'd just rinsed.

"How did you know that I'd take the challenge?" Wyatt asked, now a little apprehensive.

"Oh, Please. Wy, I know you better than you know yourself. I knew you'd take the bait when I decided to throw said bait towards you," Chris said smugly as he picked up his backpack.

"Wait. How'd I know what food are ok and what are not?" Wyatt asked, now mentally kicking himself for assuming he could outsmart his brother.

"I guess you'd find out when you take the first bite, won't you? That's why the first reaction is relatively benign and harmless. Admittedly, not exactly harmless for your dignity or for anyone standing near you at the moment, but still…" Chris said as he walked out, a naughty smile firmly in place.

Wyatt wasn't entirely sure how he'd gotten himself in this situation.

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><p><strong>What do you guys think? Should I continue? I'd welcome any prompts my readers might suggest. Although, I cannot promise that I'll use any and all prompts you may give me but I'll try my best.<strong>

**Kindly read and review.**


	2. Sweet and ASAP on Payback

**Author's notes:** Thanks for all the reviews. The first chapter was better received than I had imagined. I hope you all like this chapter too.

This was written in response to prompts given to me by Bella and BeautifulHalfBlood to write a payback scenario where Chris gets hurt and Wyatt comforts him. The first part of the chapter may seem a bit rushed but the goal of this series of one-shots is to explore Wyatt and Chris's relationship as brothers and best friends. Understandably, other events will have minor consideration.

The clown's hat I imagined is from a BBC Merlin episode (I do not remember which one). It is colorful crown of five pointy cones with tiny bells at the tips.

I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Disclaimer: **I _do not_ own Charmed or any of its characters except the ones I make up. I _do not_ intend to make profit out of this story.

**Extended disclaimer**: Chris's injury and his assessment are purely imaginary. If any of my readers who may have a medical background find out that what I've written is unrealistic or even total BS, it is because of the fact that I have absolutely _no background_ in medicine.

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><p><strong>Sweet and ASAP on Payback<strong>

This was a perfect plan to get back at his baby brother for humiliating him in front of his latest crush. Wyatt knew what would happen if he had taken a tiny byte out of that juicy hamburger but had still caved. Consequently, he had humiliated himself by farting far too loudly. Since then, everyone who was present there had been wrinkling their noses as soon as they saw Wyatt, as if they can still smell the unpleasant odor. Wyatt had to get back at Chris.

He had found a spell in the book of shadows that could bind a witch's powers to a material object. Which meant the witch in question, in this case Chris, would have to wear said object in order to have access to their powers. The spell lasted twenty-four hours. And Wyatt had a special hat for Chris to wear.

"Wyatt! You idiot. What the hell did you do to me? Why can't I orb? I'm getting late for my classes," Chris yelled angrily. With a dramatic flourish, Wyatt presented his baby brother with a colorful clown's hat and explained how it worked.

"For next twenty-four hours, your powers reside in this hat. Wear it and you'll have full access to them," Wyatt said, smiling mischievously. Chris could only gape at the hideous piece of clothing, slack-jawed.

"Seriously? Wy? How do you think this is going to work? What makes you think I'll wear this in public when I can't use my powers in public anyway? Besides, I only need my orbing. I can wear the hat, orb to a toilet stall or something, and take off the hat before I go out in public. How does that serve your goal of making me look like a fool?" Chris asked smugly pointing out one flaw in Wyatt's plan. Wyatt hadn't really scrutinized his plan like Chris would have.

"I can live without powers for a day," Chris continued, shrugging after Wyatt failed to answer in time. The twice blessed was about to say something to convince his baby brother that he had no choice but to wear the hat and be embarrassed as Wyatt intended when, as it often happened with most of Wyatt's plans, everything had gone pear-shaped.

Some demons had decided that this was a good time to attack the brothers. The first thing they had done was to throw some potion vial at Wyatt's feet before resorting to their regular attacks using fireballs. The brothers had no idea what the potion did but it was evident that they only intended to affect Wyatt. Cursing under his breath, Chris had put on the hat and begun frying the intruders. At one point, an upper level demon had thrown an atheme at Wyatt. Without a thought, Chris had jumped in front of Wyatt and bushed him out of the way of the projectile blade. The blade was followed by a fireball. Ordinarily, Chris would have just orbed out of the way of the magical weapon but unfortunately, his hat had fallen off during his mad dash towards his brother. In short, he was as powerless as a kitten and forced to dive out of the way of the fireball.

Chris gave a cry of pain as he landed on his side. Seeing his brother helpless and hurt, Wyatt lost all control and let loose an enormous blast of power that took out every demon in the room. Whatever that potion did, it thankfully didn't affect his firepower.

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><p>"You're bleeding," Wyatt said, worried, as he saw the bloody stain on Chris's white linen shirt. He rushed towards his fallen brother after all the demons were dispatched.<p>

"What was your first clue, Sherlock?" Chris's sarcasm was still intact despite the pain. Or perhaps it had sharpened a bit more than usual because of it.

"I can't heal. Why can't I heal?" Wyatt asked panicked as he hovered his hands over Chris's wound and nothing happened.

"The potion…" Chris managed to say despite the agony.

"They blocked my healing. To keep me from healing you," Wyatt realized. That was the purpose of that potion. He couldn't even imagine what would have happened if that fireball had hit Chris as the demon intended.

"You can call Junior later. He can't heal but he'll brew the antidote for the potion without ratting you out. But first help me get this off. I need to assess the damage," Chris said, hissing in pain, as he began to unbutton his shirt.

"But you're just a med-student, not a doctor. You need a doctor, or a white-lighter. If only those damn demons hadn't blocked my healing powers. We need to call aunt Paige," Wyatt rambled as he helped his brother out of his shirt. Chris winced a bit, as he had to move his injured shoulder.

"I certainly know more than you. Besides we don't really have either of those options available. Damn it!" Chris hissed as the pain became unbearable. Wyatt quickly got up and grabbed a bottle from his drawer. He offered it to Chris.

"Pain killers? Where the hell did you get those? And these are narcotics. Why do you have these?" Chris asked a bit suspiciously, momentarily forgetting his pain. Being a med-student, and a clever one at that, he had instantly recognized what it was. Wyatt rolled his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not addicted to pain pills. These are left over from that time I had kidney stone couple of months ago. Mom brewed me some potion because she was convinced I'd get addicted to these pills. I tried to assure her that was not going to happen but you know how she gets once she has made up her mind. Long story short, I never had to take these," Wyatt said as he took out a couple of pills and handed them to his little brother with a glass of water. Chris swallowed the pills and downed the water.

"Anyway, do you really want to answer all the questions our family will have about all this? You'll get in a hell of a lot of trouble. The same is true for a doctor. How're we going to explain all this without exposing magic? I think the wound is just a scratch but my shoulder is dislocated. You need to pop it back in place," Chris said still in pain, as he examined his left arm. Wyatt wasn't sure about this self-assessment. Granted, Chris had worked summers for Leo after the ex-elder restarted practicing medicine (with a little help from Roland and Sandra, the elders, to reestablish his mortal identity.) Chris had always had his passion for cooking in common with their mother. His love for biology and the art of healing was something he shared with their father. Leo had taken this opportunity to get closer to his youngest and offered Chris a volunteer position at the hospital as soon as he was old enough. Chris must have seen his share of injuries and their treatment during his time at the hospital.

"I don't care about getting in trouble. Kit, I caused this. I can't see you in pain when aunt Paige can heal you in seconds just because…" Wyatt was interrupted by a hiss of pain from Chris.

"Damn it!" Chris cursed again as he briefly felt the pulse in his wrist and his face became grave.

"What is it?" Wyatt asked worried.

"It must be pinching an artery. I can barely feel my pulse," Chris said thoughtfully.

"What does it mean?" Wyatt asked worried.

"Best case scenario… some reversible damage to my arm. Worst case scenario… some not so reversible damage and a whole lot of questions from our family. You need to act, now. Put one of your leg in my pit," Chris ordered as he positioned himself on the floor.

"Your pit?" Wyatt asked incredulously.

"My armpit. Put one of your leg in my armpit for counter-force and pull my arm in… this direction," Chris said, biting down the pain and gesturing with his good hand in the direction in which Wyatt needed to pull his arm.

"I'm not sure about this…" Wyatt hesitated.

"For once in your life, do as you are told, you twice blessed pain in my ass," Chris growled, his voice laced with pain and frustration.

"What if I pull it the wrong way?" Wyatt said as he carefully positioned his right foot in Chris's armpit and grabbed hold of his injured hand.

"You'll make it worse, and far more painful. So don't screw it up," Chris warned as he prepared himself for the unimaginable pain he knew he was about to feel. The half elder pressed his face in a pillow, as he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep from screaming. Wyatt took a deep breath and pulled. A muffled scream from Chris followed by a sickening pop signified the deed was done.

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><p>"I'm so sorry Kit. I never meant to hurt you," Wyatt said as he sheepishly sat at the edge of Chris's bed. He had carried Chris to his room after securing his shoulder and bandaging any minor scratches.<p>

"I know, Wy. Don't worry about it. Now, help me put this on," Chris said as he grabbed his shirt. After a few failed attempts at putting on the shirt without moving his shoulder, Chris gave up. Instead Wyatt covered him with a blanket so he didn't get too cold.

"What on earth were you thinking? Why did you jump in front of me like that?" Wyatt said as he handed Chris a glass of water at his request.

"I didn't know that they had blocked your healing powers at the time. That atheme only grazed my bicep but it would have hit you in the chest. I couldn't take that chance," Chris explained his reasoning behind his actions.

"Chris…" Wyatt's worried admonishment was cut short by Chris.

"Wyatt, what's done is done. Did you call Junior to brew the antidote? Tell him specifically not to tell anyone else about this," Chris said as he handed the glass back to his big brother and made himself comfortable on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

"Yes I called him. He's brewing the antidote as we speak but it'll be evening by the time it's done. As long as there are no demon attacks between now and then, we should be fine. Boy! I'll be in so much trouble if any one finds out about this. But really, you shouldn't be in pain just so that I don't have to face mom's anger," Wyatt said guiltily as he settled himself by Chris's side.

"Oh don't worry about it, Wyatt. Besides, my motivation behind not tattling on you is not so selfless," Chris said with a not so innocent smile adorning his handsome face. The pain pills had kicked in and he was more or less high as a kite by now.

"What do you mean?" Wyatt asked frowning.

"Thanks to your idiotic plan to get back at me, I have excellent blackmail material to hold over your head," Chris answered smiling mischievously. Wyatt was looking at his baby brother incredulously.

"You would protect me, just so that you can destroy me at a later more convenient date?" Wyatt asked raising his eyebrows.

"Of course," Chris slurred a bit as he rested his head on Wyatt's shoulder. The pills were making him seriously drowsy.

"Sorry," Chris said a bit embarrassed as he straightened himself.

"It's OK, Kit. You used to do this all the time when we were kids and you were sick. You're never too old to lean on your big brother," Wyatt said soothingly. With a goofy smile on his face Chris rested his head back on Wyatt's shoulder and drifted off into his drug induced slumber.

"Sleep tight, baby bro," Wyatt said as he rested his own head against Chris's and drifted off into sleep himself.

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><p>It was evening now and Wyatt's powers were back after Henry Jr. had brewed him an antidote. He promptly healed Chris and the half elder was feeling much better now. Wyatt handed Chris and Junior a cup of coffee.<p>

"I hope you have learned your lesson and dropped the idea of payback for the anti-gluttony potion incident," Chris said as he sipped the black coffee from his ASAP cup.

"Revenge has been postponed not abandoned. I'll find a safer way to get back at you," Wyatt answered seriously. Chris only rolled his eyes.

"Bring it on," the half elder challenged.

"Well, I'd say the concept was a good one, Wyatt. But the execution was subpar. I mean; if your main goal were to humiliate him by forcing him to dress in a bizarre way; it'd have made more sense to enchant a tube top or something instead of a clown's hat. It's easy to loose a hat while fighting demons but what are the chances of loosing shirt or other clothing? Granted, a tube top can be easily hidden with a jacket but a knee length skirt would have worked just as well and next to impossible to hide…" Junior's rambling was abruptly cut short as he noticed Chris frantically gesturing him to shut the hell up. But looking at the glint in Wyatt's eyes, Chris knew it was too late.

"Don't you dare Wyatt! WYATT!" Chris yelled as his big brother dissolved in orbs. Wyatt had a skirt to borrow from Prue. Noticing Chris's lethal glare now turned to him, Junior took an involuntary step back.

"Better part of valor and all that," Junior muttered as he made a tactical retreat and dissolved in orbs. Growling under his breath, Chris lunged towards the discarded clown's hat that currently contained his powers.

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><p><strong>Some stories depict Chris as omniscient and almighty witch. I try to make my interpretation of Chris's character as more human. He's the smartest among the Halliwells and just as powerful as Wyatt but sometimes, as hinted by the ending; his big brother manages to get back at him. What do you guys think? <strong>

**Kindly read and review.**


	3. Sweet and ASAP on Holiday Spirit

**Author's notes:** Thanks for all the reviews. I wanted to post this chapter on or before Christmas but couldn't finish it in time. I hope you all enjoy it just the same.

**Disclaimer: **I _do not_ own Charmed or any of its characters except the ones I make up. I _do not_ intend to make profit out of this story.

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><p><strong>Sweet and ASAP on Holiday Spirit <strong>

"Merry Christmas baby bro," Wyatt said as he threw the confetti over Chris's head. The half elder only glared at his big brother. It was a good thing that Chris was not a fire starter, otherwise the confetti along with Wyatt's hair would have been on fire by now.

"Wyatt, I haven't even had my first cup of coffee yet. I really don't have any patience for your childish antics. We're not even religious. Besides, who throws confetti to celebrate Christmas?" Chris asked gritting his teeth.

"You cannot dampen my Christmas spirit by your grumpiness. And before you start again, I remember your speech about 'Jesus being born sometime in spring' very well. Christmas doesn't have to be about religion. It's about celebration and happiness. Hence the confetti," Wyatt said throwing another handful of the colorful stuff over Chris's head, knowing well that it will irritate his brother to no end.

"You do realize that you have to clean that up, don't you?" Chris asked looking pointedly at the mess Wyatt had just created on the floor.

"Lighten up, bro. Why do you have to be so neurotic all the time? Ever heard this concept called 'having fun'?" Wyatt said rolling his eyes. Sometimes it amazed the twice blessed how him and his baby brother got along so well. In so many ways they were polar opposites. He was always cheerful while his baby brother was almost always grumpy. He didn't mind a bit of untidiness in their shared apartment, while Chris insisted on perfect order. Chris was a kind of person who would pick out his clothes for next day before going to sleep the previous night, while Wyatt would simply pickup a shirt, sniff it, and put it on if it didn't smell too sweaty. And if he didn't find a non-sweaty shirt of his own, he didn't hesitate to steal one of Chris's. This, of course, irritated Chris immensely. It was a wonder how they were not at each other's throats all the time.

"I'm not neurotic," Chris growled as he grabbed the coffee grinder. Wyatt stared at his baby brother as if he had just declared that their aunt Phoebe was the best secret-keeper in the whole universe.

"Not neurotic? Chris, look at the shelves in this kitchen. The handles on all the pots and pans are pointing in the exact same direction. The cups are no exception. For goodness sake, you have ordered all the spices alphabetically. Like you can't just see that there is cumin in this bottle without it being fifth bottle from the left. This is very definition of neurotic," Wyatt said exasperated.

"That's not cumin, those are fennel seeds. And so what if I'm a little obsessive. You'd turn this apartment into a pigsty if it weren't for me," Chris said squinting a little as he measured exactly thirty-two ounces of water and poured it into the kettle. Their coffee mugs contained sixteen ounces of coffee each and he always found it maddening when Wyatt filled his cup to the brim in order not to waste the coffee and then slurped the hot liquid from the mug still on the table, so as not to spill its contents by trying to lift it.

"Ok. So I don't mind a bit of chaos in my life but you need to loosen up a little and get that stick out of your ass before you get splinters," Wyatt said smirking.

"You want me to loosen up, do you? Very well. How about I begin by not cleaning up after you? Do you even know how to operate the washing machine? Let see how many dates you go on when you run out of clean cloths and all your shirts smell like gym cloths. Or should I relax in my free time like you and stop keeping track of all the bills and their due dates? Let's see how well you can 'chill out' when there is no phone or cable or Internet because you forgot to pay the bills on time. Or shall I…" Chris's angry rant would have continued but he paused a moment after noticing Wyatt's expression.

"You're right. I'm really thankful that you're here to maintain some semblance of order in this house," Wyatt said in a sincere tone. Chris froze. He didn't sense any hint of sarcasm in Wyatt's tone. On the other hand, his tone was carefully serious, almost too careful. As if he was trying to defuse a potentially volatile situation. Ordinarily, Wyatt would have argued that he does just as much to pull his weight when he repairs stuff like broken appliances and their car. Chris expected Wyatt to claim just as fervently that Chris would have frozen to death if Wyatt hadn't fixed the furnace. Just because Wyatt couldn't cook to save his life or because he found balancing the checkbook to be incredibly boring task, he wasn't as useless around the house as Chris was claiming. But he didn't expect this meek capitulation from the mighty twice blessed. And then it dawned on him.

"Wyatt, what have you done?" Chris asked slowly, his hands still frozen in the middle of measuring the precise amount of coffee beans.

"Whatever do you mean?" Wyatt asked innocently. Chris dropped the measuring spoon back in the jar of medium roasted coffee beans and turned around to face his big brother who was doing his best not to look him in the eye. This was further proof that Wyatt was up to something.

"What… have… you… done?" Chris asked stressing on each word.

"Nothing. Why would you assume I've done something wrong," Wyatt asked with the most innocent face, the kind of expression one assumes when meeting the parents of their girlfriend or boyfriend for the first time.

"Don't insult my intelligence. First you irritate me and argue with me. And then you give up the fight far too quickly and easily, almost as if you want to indulge my ego. This either means that you've gotten yourself in trouble and need me to bail you out, or that you're about to ask for an enormous favor. There is no other reason why you'd so flimsily attempt to soothe my ego," Chris stated, staring at his big brother suspiciously. After a few seconds of intense glaring, Wyatt cracked.

"Alright! It's the latter, actually," Wyatt said sheepishly. Chris glared at the ceiling with an expression that said 'why me?' He had no reason to believe that the elders had anything to do with this, yet. But he was irritated with them just as a matter of principle.

"I may or may not have offered our services as Santa and his elven helpers," Wyatt's explained sheepishly and winced as he anticipated an explosion from Chris's direction.

"No, absolutely not. There is no chance in hell. What in the world possessed you…?" Chris began his angry rant but was interrupted by Wyatt's hurried explanation.

"Just hear me out, Chris. I was at this…" Wyatt's attempt to make his point failed, as it was Chris's turn to interrupt.

"Hear what out, Wyatt? I have no intention of dressing up like a fat guy in pointy red hat, sweating like a pig and suffer through hours and hours of whiny little brats making outrageous wishes. Not to mention three out of five kids think it's funny to kick Santa in the shin," Chris was seething by now, remembering that miserable evening a couple of years ago, when Wyatt had talked him into taking this Santa gig to make some extra cash.

"Actually, you're not the Santa. I remember the last time you were Santa. You lost your temper and told that one kid that you'll turn him into a little Barbie doll and give him to his sister to play dress up with, if he didn't get off your lap immediately. You didn't stop at that. You made your eyes turn white the way you do when you're about to use your electro-kinesis. That poor kid was so traumatized, he scampered out of the store and accidentally ran into the ladies bathroom. No no no no no. You're not qualified to be a Santa. Santa is supposed to be jolly and kind not mean and scary," Wyatt said shuddering as he remembered the incidence from two years ago.

"First of all, he wasn't a kid. He was a creepy teenager trying to sit on my lap. What teenager believes in Santa anyway? Secondly, I was irritated because the kids were hitting me and their mothers were hitting _on_ me the whole evening. I was well within my rights to loose my temper when that brat asked for some kind of hair-growth formula to grow body hair. That was simply disturbing. And lastly, I never asked to be Santa. In fact I've been refusing to be Santa all this time so your claim that I'm not 'qualified' to be Santa is really pointless. Nevertheless, if you don't want me to dress up in a fluffy red suit, what do you want from me?" Chris asked a bit confused.

"Did you miss the 'elven helper' part?" Wyatt asked hesitantly. Chris stared at his big brother incredulously for a couple of seconds before suddenly dissolving in orbs and vanishing. Wyatt just stood there, confused. After a couple of seconds, Chris returned with a relatively neutral face.

"Where did you go?" Wyatt asked, fearing for the answer.

"Just to the underworld, to see if it had frozen over. It hasn't. So the answer is no, I will not be Santa's little elven helper," Chris said, leaving no room for argument.

"But I promised," Wyatt said pleadingly.

"That sounds like a 'you problem' not a 'me problem' or even a 'we problem'. You should know better than to make promises on my behalf. Besides, both of us are earning enough, working as teacher's assistants now. Not to mention the money I make by tutoring high-school kids in biology. Why would you even go looking for this job?" Chris asked as he poured exactly thirty-two ounces of boiling water over the ground coffee in the press. He took a couple of deep breaths and began reciting the names of all the bones in human body. He briefly considered how it would feel to break each of those bones in Wyatt's body but he was relatively calm by the time he had contemplated breaking Wyatt's mandible with a well-placed left hook. The calming techniques taught to him by his uncle Coop were really handy.

"Did I not mention this was a volunteer position? We're not getting paid," Wyatt said nervously fidgeting. He could Sense Chris's glare burning holes in his right temple.

"Where?" Chris asked in a carefully controlled voice.

"I was at this orphanage at the Elm and Second Street intersection. One of my charges, Jackson, volunteers there. They have this make a wish kind of program there. He's in charge of gathering donations for buying the gifts. Their regular Santa guy has three kids of his own and had to take a paying job. Jackson asked me if I could help him out and…" Wyatt's explanation was interrupted by Chris's sigh.

"Alright. I'll do it," Chris agreed smiling a bit resignedly. He knew he was going to do it as soon as Wyatt uttered the word 'orphanage'. He'd dress-up like Rudolph the freaking red-nosed reindeer if it meant spreading some happiness among kids who had suffered loss of their parents at a very young age.

"Wonderful! And trust me. It gets easier after the first day," Wyatt declared excitedly.

"First day? What do you mean first day? How long is this program exactly?" Chris asked a little scared.

"At the orphanage? Just for one evening, on the twenty-third. But then we're going to the hospital on Christmas Eve and…" Wyatt began explaining what he had planned for the two of them. Chris smiled as he realized that his irritation at Wyatt's presumptuous behavior had long since evaporated, on the contrary, he was feeling oddly proud of his big brother. The twice blessed went on for a minute or so before he realized Chris was watching him curiously.

"What?" Wyatt asked confused. Chris was about to respond 'I'm proud of you' but thought better of it. Wyatt's head was already almost as big as his heart and Chris certainly didn't want it to get any bigger.

"Nothing," Chris said shrugging as he took a sip of his perfectly brewed sixteen ounces of coffee. He made sure his sentiments didn't reach his brother via their brotherly link. But somehow, judging from the small smirk that now adorned Wyatt's face, he knew exactly what his brother was thinking.

"So you're not mad at me?" Wyatt knew Chris wasn't mad at him anymore but decided to ask just to be sure.

"No Wyatt. I'm not mad at you. It's good cause and I'd be glad to help in any capacity I can. Bear in mind, if you had said it was a paying job to help you get that new playstation you've been eyeing for past month or so, I'd have throttled you," Chris responded a bit sternly.

"I know. Thanks Kit! I knew you were going to help. And if any of the kids are mean to you, I promise I'll make it up to you!" Wyatt said giving Chris a tight hug.

"Oh… you will! I'll make sure that you will," Chris said with an awful smile on his face. Wyatt couldn't help but shudder a little.

* * *

><p><strong>Happy holidays everyone! And wish you all a joyful and productive new year!<strong>

**Kindly read and review.**


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